March 2011
36 posts
2 tags
Texts from this afternoon...
SHansel: You coming?
Me: No. Violently ill with back spasms. I blame you.
SHansel: I'm so sorry!!! That totally sucks. Anything I can do?
Me: Pray or whatever it is that you tech people do.
February 2011
24 posts
1 tag
“Please remind me to never eat Burger King again. Please.”
My belly popped.
Fuck, I’m really pregnant. =\ Eh well…
*drowns self in cheesecake brownie bar*
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Goals:
a cheesesteak
a meatball plate from Ikea
a French dip from Philippe’s
“WHO WANTS TO BE MY SURROGATE? I’M DEAD SERIOUS RIGHT NOW.”
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Fact of Pregnant Life
Super.Human.Sense.of.Smell.
I neglected to put on my usual deodorant this morning and didn’t realize until I got to work. I had to use the back-up in my purse. It’s giving me the WORST headache in the world.
GAGGING RIGHT NOW.
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no really...
Today is the second day in a row that I’ve nearly fainted. Like, blacked out and hit the floor, fainted.
I think it’s trying to kill me.
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“This thing is sucking the life out of me. It’s DRAINING MY VITAL ESSENSE.”
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At the doctor's office yesterday
Doc's assistant: we're going to weigh you again before you go in.
Me: okie dokie (gets on scale)
Doc's assistant: umm, you haven't gained any weight...it's EXACTLY the same as last month
Me: it's been doing back-flips to Rick James songs.
1 tag
Like mother, like...
Today we got to hear the Beigelet’s heartbeat. It was quite the trial because it kept moving. Actually, it wouldn’t stop moving. I imagine B. O’Kee has Rick James songs on constant repeat in its brain…
3 tags
1 tag
On Nutrition...
Lately, I’ve been wanting all manner of food that I normally avoid like the plague. Right now, I’m eating huge slices of pineapple (which normally cause my tongue to feel like it’s on fire) and drinking pulpy orange juice (again, more tongue on fire).
I’m not sure if this is the Beigelet trying to make me healthier or kill me.
Instinct tells me it’s the...
2 tags
Fact of Pregnant Life
This morning, I had to unhook my brasierre because I was suffocating. I’ve been wearing it like this all day.
It’s uncomfortable.
4 tags
Reasons Why I Think My Life is Really a Movie
Ok, about that ultrasound’s origins.
Last week, I was scheduled for a genetic counseling session at a medical facility in a place that had terrible parking. That part has nothing to do with the story.
After sitting down with a woman who said a lot of things that probably should have scared the hell out of me had I been paying attention, I went into a room to prep for what was to be the...
3 tags
“Can we talk about how I’m out of breath and I’m only sitting down? ...”
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Fact of Pregnant Life
I’ve been at work for an hour and a half and have completely forgotten what the hell I was doing mid-project. Twice.
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Congratulations!
If you made it here by clicking my none-too-well-hidden link, then you now know the reason for my growing blog-whackness. Gold star for you!
Because I have a inflated sense of self-importance (thank you internet!), I’m fielding questions. Ask link is above.
2 tags
Fact of Pregnant Life
My boobs itch.
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“I’m at work…and the only thing I can think about is getting a $5...”
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3 tags
during Episode 1 of Drag Race
Dudeguy: Right now, the baby shall be known as Beigelet O'Keefe LaWonderful.
Me: *side eye* *riotous laughter*
Dudeguy: Can we put that on the birth certificate?
2 tags
So...
I’m three months pregnant. Since this and all the sickness that comes with it has taken over my life, I decided to start a new blog…a low-maintenance blog…something that I, in all my newfound laziness fatigue-riddled bodily glory, can handle.
Umm…let’s see how this goes.
